The young couple was engaged in a most affectionate embrace when there came the sound of a key in the front door. The young blonde broke away at once, eyes wide with alarm. "Heavens," she cried, "it's my husband! Quick, jump out the window."
The young man, equally alarmed, made a quick step toward the window, then demurred. "I can't," he said, "we're on the thirteenth floor."

"For heaven's sake," cried the young lady in exasperation, "this is no time to be superstitious!"
 

A blonde tried to sell her old car. She was having a lot of problems selling it, because the car had 250,000 miles on it. One day, she told her problem to a friend she worked with at a salon. Her friend told her, "There is a possibility to make the car easier to sell, but it's not legal." "That doesn't matter," replied the blonde, "if only I can sell the car."
"Okay," said the blonde's friend. "Here is the address of a friend of mine. He owns a car repair shop. Tell him I sent you and he will turn the odometer in your car back to 50,000 miles. Then it should not be a problem to sell your car anymore."

The following weekend, the blonde made the trip to the mechanic. About one month after that, the friend asked the blonde, "Did you sell your car?" "No," replied the blonde, "Why should I? It only has 50,000 miles on it."
 

A guy is having a drink in a very dark bar. He leans over to the big woman next to him and says, "Do you wanna hear a funny blonde joke?"
The big woman replies: "Well, before you tell me that joke, you should know something. I'm blond, six feet tall, 210 pounds, and I'm a professional triathlete and bodybuilder. Also, the blond woman sitting next to me is 6'2", weighs 220 pounds, and she is an ex-professional wrestler. And next to her is a blond who is 6'5", weighs 250 pounds, and she's a current professional kickboxer. Now, do you still want to tell that blond joke?"

The guy thinks about it a second and says, "No, not if I'm gonna have to explain it three damn times."
 

80,000 blondes meet in the Kansas City Chiefs Stadium for a "Blondes Are Not Stupid" Convention. The leader says, "We are all here today to prove to the world that blondes are not stupid. Can I have a volunteer?"
A blonde gingerly works her way through the crowd and steps up to the stage.

The leader asks her, "What is 15 plus 15?"

After 15 or 20 seconds she says, "Eighteen!"

Obviously everyone is a little disappointed. Then 80,000 blondes start cheering, "Give her another chance! Give her another chance!"

The leader says, "Well since we've gone to the trouble of getting 80,000 of you in one place and we have the world-wide press and global broadcast media here, gee, uh, I guess we can give her another chance."

So he asks, "What is 5 plus 5?"

After nearly 30 seconds she eventually says, "Ninety?"

The leader is quite perplexed, looks down and just lets out a dejected sigh -- everyone is disheartened - the blonde starts crying and the 80,000 girls begin to yell and wave their hands shouting,

GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE! GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE!"

The leader, unsure whether or not he is doing more harm than damage, eventually says, "Ok! Ok! Just one more chance -- What is 2 plus 2?"

The girl closes her eyes, and after a whole minute eventually says, "Four?"

Throughout the stadium pandemonium breaks out as all 80,000 girls jump to their feet, wave their arms, stomp their feet and scream...

"GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE! GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE!"
 

A blonde dials 911 to report that her car has been broken into. She is hysterical as she explains her situation to the dispatcher.
"They've stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, and even the accelerator!" she cries.

The 911 dispatcher says, "Stay calm. An officer is on the way. He will be there in two minutes."

Before the police get to the crime scene, however, the 911 dispatcher's telephone rings a second time, and the same blonde is on the line again.

"Never mind," giggles the blonde, "I got in the back seat by mistake."
 

A blonde went into a world wide message centre to send a message to her mother overseas. When the man told her it would cost $300 she exclaimed, "I don't have that kind of money!! But I would do ANYTHING to get a message to my mother in Poland!" The man arched an eyebrow. "Anything?" "Yes, anything" the blonde promised. With that, the man said, "Follow me" He walked into the next room and ordered, "Come in and close the door" She did. He then said, "Get on your knees" She did. Then he said, "Take down my zipper" She did. He said, "Go ahead...take it out". She took it out and grabbed hold of it with both hands. The man closed his eyes and whispered, "Well....go ahead!" The blonde slowly brought her lips closer, and while holding it close to her lips she said loudly "HELLO.....MOM???"

 

One day a blonde, brunette and redhead walk into the elevator of their apartment building. As they enter they see a white puddle on the floor. The brunette bends down looks at it and says, "Ya that's the white stuff!"

Then the redhead bends down, smells it and says, "Oh ya that's it alright!"

Then the blonde bends down, taste it and says, "Sure it is! But it's no one from our building!"
 

The local sheriff was looking for a deputy, so a blonde went in to try out for the job.

"Okay," the sheriff drawled. "What is 1 and 1?"

"Eleven," she replied.

The sheriff thought to himself, "That`s not what I meant, but she`s right."

"What two days of the week start with the letter `T`?"

"Today and tomorrow."

He was again surprised that the blonde supplied a correct answer that he had never thought of himself.

"Now, listen carefully: Who killed Abraham Lincoln?"

The blonde looked a little surprised herself, then thought really hard for a minute and finally admitted, "I don`t know."

"Well, why don`t you go home and work on that one for a while?"

So, the blonde wandered over to the beauty parlor, where her pals were waiting to hear the results of the interview. The blonde was exultant.

"It went great! First day on the job and I`m already working on a murder case!"
 

A blonde walked into a barber shop wearing headphones. The barber asked her what she wanted, and she replied "A haircut, but make sure you leave my headphones on."
She sat in the chair and the barber started to cut her hair. He realized that it's kind of hard to cut around the headphones, and asked her, "Are you sure I can't take off your headphones?"

But when she didn't reply, he realized that the girl fell asleep, and took off her headphones. When he finished cutting her hair, he tried to wake her up but couldn't!

So he called the police and when they arrived they asked, "How did she die?"

"I don't know," replied the barber, "I just took off her headphones and she died!" The policeman picked up the headphones and listened to them, "Breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe out!"
 

Two blonde girls walk into a department store. They walk up to the perfume counter and pick up a sample bottle. Nancy sprays it on her wrist and smells it, "That's quite nice, don't you think, Kathy?"
Kathy takes a sniff and replies, "That is nice. What's it called?"

"Viens a moi," replies Nancy.

"Viens a moi? What the heck does that mean?"

At this stage the store clerk offers some help. "Viens a moi, ladies, means 'come to me' in French."

Nancy takes another sniff, then offers her arm to Kathy again, and remarks, "That doesn't smell like cum to me. Does that smell like cum to you?"
 

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a telephone?
A: It costs 25 cents to use a telephone.

Q: What do a blonde and your computer have in common?
A: You don't know how much either of them mean to you until they go down on you.

Q: Why don't blondes eat bananas?
A: They can't find the zipper.

Q: What is the difference between a smart blonde and Bigfoot?
A: Bigfoot has been spotted.

Q: Why couldn't the blonde add 10 and 7 on a calulator?

A: She couldn't find the 10 key.
 

Once upon a time there was a blonde with long hair, blue eyes, and she was sick of all the blonde jokes. One day, she decided to get a make over, so she cut and dyed her hair. She also went out and bought a new convertible.
She went driving down a country road and came across a herd of sheep. She stopped and called the sheepherder over.

"That's a nice flock of sheep", she said.

"Well thank you", said the herder.

"Tell you what. I have a proposition for you", said the woman.

"Okay", replied the herder.

"If I can guess the exact number of sheep in your flock, can I take one home?", asked the woman. "Sure", said the sheepherder.

So, the girl sat up and looked at the herd for a second and then replied, "382"

"Wow!", said the herder. "That is exactly right! Go ahead and pick out the sheep you want to take home."

So the woman went and picked one out and put it in her car. Upon watching this, the herder approached the woman and offered, "Okay, now I have a proposition for you."

"What is it?", queried the woman.

"If I can guess the real color of your hair...can I have my dog back?"

 

Two blondes decided to rob a bank together. The first blonde, Kathy, plans the robbery and goes over the plan with the second blonde, Nancy, in great detail. The robbery begins.
Kathy drives up in front of the bank, stops the car and says to Nancy, "I want to make absolutely sure you understand the plan. You are supposed to be in and out of the bank in no more than three minutes with the cash. Do you understand the plan?"

"Perfectly," insists Nancy. So, she goes in the bank while Kathy waits in the getaway car. One minute passes, two minutes pass... seven minutes pass... by now Kathy is really stressing out.

Finally, the bank doors burst open and Nancy is dragging a safe wrapped up in rope to the car. About the time she gets the safe into the trunk of the car, the bank doors burst open again, and the security guard runs out firing his weapon. All the while, his pants and underwear are down around his ankles.

As the gals make their getaway, Kathy screams, "Nancy, you're such a blonde! I thought you understood the plan!"

"I understood! I did exactly what you said!"

"You got it all mixed up," exclaims Kathy. "I said tie up the GUARD and blow the SAFE!"
 

A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license. She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys could get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!"